I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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