how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
