a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
time to smoke my breakfast
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
