in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
