I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
