would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
