there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
