i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
