that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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