true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i now understand why vodka
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
