I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
