Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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