His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
