I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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