Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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