Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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