Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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