Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
