I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
