He told me they were just razor bumps!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
