he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
