I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
