I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
