Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
false alarm. still invincible.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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