You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
