Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
