where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
