I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize