okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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