We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
