We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
