i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
