I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
