best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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