Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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