She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
