youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The air was thick with penises
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
