you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
