I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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