its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
