Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize