the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
