I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its not stalking. its research.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
