i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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