I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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