wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Randomize