I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
