bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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