I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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