people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize