woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
