i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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