did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
