I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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