The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
