a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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