i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
