Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
