If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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