I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
