Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
