I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
