one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
