I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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