we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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